Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
