6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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