You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
