He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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