She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize