Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
