Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
