do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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