She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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