It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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