meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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