Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
