His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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