3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
