I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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