We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
