Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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