Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
