when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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