I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
