My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
