I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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