were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
