my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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