shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
