Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
