so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
