I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
