come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize