Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
