You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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