I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
