You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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