Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
