ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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