You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
