I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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