Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
