and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
