Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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