Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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