It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He did a backflip because drugs
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
