You can't special order awesome
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
