1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
