I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
