What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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