Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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