Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
