Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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