The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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