I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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