I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bring me that man meat
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
