And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
