areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
