rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
