The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
