Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
