Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
