Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
